Should I Wait to Call Her Back?

The dating game is full of rules. There are unspoken rules, written-out rules, and of course, those who break all the rules. It’s enough to make your head spin, especially when all your want is the answer to a simple question:

“Should I wait to call her back?”

Don’t worry; I have the simple answers for you. Let’s look at three situations – Before the First Date, After the First Date, and Beyond the Second Date.

Before the First Date

Let’s say you been chatting up Ms. Right (or Ms. Right Now) online for a few days and you’ve exchanged numbers. She calls you and it goes to voicemail. (It’s okay, it’s better than answering the phone while you’re on the john!) Her sweet voice is on your voicemail asking you to call sometime.

Is sometime now? Will you seem desperate if you return the call right away? You don’t want to say you were in the bathroom!

CALL NOW. Here’s a couple ways to break the ice:

“Sorry I missed you there…
…my dog/cat/ferret hid my phone again.” (Says: “I’m an animal person.”)
…I was just checking out at the store.” (Says: “I’m courteous and thoughtful.”)
…I was on the other line with my mother.” (Says: “I value my family.”)

If you end up in her voicemail, keep it short and sweet:

“Hi Dawn, this is Rob. Sorry I missed your call, but my ferret got a hold of my phone and hid it under my bed. I think she’s already jealous of you! Give me a call back when you get a chance. Talk to you soon!”

After the First Date

Your first date went great and you even got the goodnight kiss. How soon do you call her back?

It’s the email age, folks! The next morning, fire up your email and write her a quick thank you note:

Hi Suzanne!

I just wanted to drop you a quick note to say how much fun I had last night with you at the dinner theater. I still have that goofy song the butler sang stuck in my head – do you? I’ve love to see you again sometime. Would you like to go to the sidewalk art festival this weekend? I’ll call you tomorrow after work and fill you in on the details.

Thanks again for the great date!

- Joey

This type of email does a few things that are crucial to getting a second date as well as scheduling a phone call. Here are those crucial things you need to do:

• Thank her for a great time.
  She wants to know that you appreciate her and that the time you spent together was enjoyable. Focus on the appreciation of the time, not of how she looked.

• Remind her of one of the high points of the night.
  What was the most fun or memorable moment of the date? Did she say something that you’ve been thinking about ever since? Bring it up and it’ll stir up all those great feelings from the date all over again.

• Reinforce your desire to see her again.
  Be careful with your enthusiasm here. There’s a big difference between “I’d love to see you again” and “I can’t wait to see you again.” The latter implies desperation.

• Suggest an activity and date.
  Bonus points if you can relate the activity to something she enjoys. For example, Joey has learned that Suzanne loves art, so he’s going to suggest going to the sidewalk art festival sometime over the weekend.

• Schedule your follow-up call.If you think this sounds a bit like advice from a “What To Do After a Job Interview” article, you’re right. However, dating does work the same way. By scheduling a time to call her, she knows you’re serious about your offer. If she answers the phone when you call, you know she’s really into you. She cleared a place on her schedule to be sure to be there for your call. Pretty cool, isn’t it?

Beyond the Second Date

Once you get beyond the second date, the calling anxiety tends to diminish greatly. In fact, she should be calling you. You’ve made it to the no-stress phone zone. Congratulations and enjoy your time with your new girlfriend!